relationship versus ego part-2

Defensive relationship
Some people build their self image so strongly that they cannot yield to others emotions. They don't realize that they see themselves through their mind and create an opaque screen of concepts, judgments, definitions, images that blocks all true relationship. They are unresponsive, withdrawn, insensitive, cut off from their feelings and use their ego to prove their mental strength. They tend to convince themselves and others that they are enlightened and that there is nothing wrong with them and everything is wrong with their partner. Men tend to do more than women. They see their female partners as irrational and emotional. They are mostly in their mind and so little they do realize that they need to be conscious about their own and others emotions to become enlightened.

An addictive partner always want to express herself and resolve the problem temporarily without creating a time gap to avoid negative emotions and grievance to fester. On the other hand a defensive one restricts himself to listen to his partner and does not want to think about the situation because he is not comfortable with it anymore. According to him the partner has to correct her nature for things to fall in place. This is because he sees himself a righteous man. He frames his own opinions and judgments about his partner and refuses to change them. He is on the look out for faults to prove that he is right always. Defending and blaming is his way of strengthening his ego. But without listening or giving space to others love cannot flourish. Your insensitiveness can lead your addictive partner to take a dangerous step. If there is no love and joy, openness toward all human beings, then it is not enlightenment. Enlightenment does not simply mean non attachment, insensitive or cutting off and convincing others you are right. It is not letting yourself to be affected amidst the mess by completely being in the present or a higher degree is to help your partner seek the truth. If your enlightenment is self-delusion, then life will bring a challenge that will surface the truth deep inside you in the form of defensiveness, judgment etc., Many challenges actually come through your partner. A woman may be challenged by her insensitive partner who lives by his mind. She might be frustrated by his inability to listen to her, pay her attention, give her personal space which is due to his lack of presence. The absence of intimacy is usually felt by the woman more than a man which will trigger her to attack him due to her own egoistic pain so that he understands her and the intimacy is restored. But the man who is equally egoistic sees the situation baseless and become even more deeply entrenched in his mental position as he justifies, defends and counterattacks. Now both partners are in their own state of illusion and totally unaware of the reality. Its a state of self-deceive, self-betray etc., It will not subside until both of them have replenished themselves and calm down. Where is the love, affection, fondness etc., gone which once flourished?????

This is just one of an endless number of possible scenarios. Many volumes have been written and many more can be written too. But once the root of dysfunction is understood no need to explore its countless manifestations.